Missing Pieces

Lesson Learned- Blake has to do a project for the 100th day of school. He needs to display 100 of something on a poster board. I had the brilliant idea to put together/and clue a puzzle on the board. Great idea right, cause the puzzle is 100 pieces. My mistake-having Blake count the pieces to make sure all 100 were there. (you know incase some went missing, like the other sock that disappears in the dryer). Blake said Yep they are all here! Awesome, we proceeded to put together this YuGIoh Puzzle, seems it should have been easier, and we were distracted with watching the biggest loser. But it took around an hour!! And then, we discover um yeah, we don't have 100 pieces, only 98!! Ugh! My first reaction, have Blake turn the puzzle in 2 days early. Maybe he could get credit for bringing 98 things for the 98th day of school.

Oh well, we have a project for today. Cause I have nothing else to do!
-Mo

I did it!

After my marathon on Nov 2nd, I wrote this letter and wanted to post it.
All,

I did it, 13.1 miles! Sunday, Nov 2nd, my life changed. For those who know me, I’ve always been pretty self-confident, except I lacked that confidence in regards to my weight and my physical abilities. Courage is definitely something I’ve struggled with. I don’t like to fail (who does right?), I have this huge fear of letting people down (including myself). If something is difficult, I’d rather not even try then admit I “can’t” do it. Yet, my desire to make a difference in this world, my need to make sense of losing Griffin and my mom, gave me the Courage to start. The courage to dive into uncharted territory, too step way outside my comfort zone and walk a ½ marathon. Athlete I was not. Initially, I don’t think I gave it too much thought. I just signed up. Focusing merely on raising money to find a Cure and not even realizing “what” was truly involved in training for the ½ marathon. I devoted my Saturday mornings (as early as 5:30 am) to go walk, my extra time on the weeknights, and definitely struggled to find the “time” to get in all my miles, while still keeping up with the kids and work. I spent 27 weeks walking and in those weeks I walked over 300 miles to prepare myself for Sunday. As the date approached, my nerves set it. Self doubt is such a horrible thing. I was terrified I would be able to do it. I had no confidence. Everyone around me seemed to think I would be able too, I just couldn’t see it. I begin to wonder why I even started, why would I put myself in this situation, where was that courage I initially had? With the help of some good friends, family, my coach and mentor, I decided, okay, I can’t turn back, I can start this race. What’s the worst that can happen? I don’t finish.

It was Sunday, everyone asking me if I was ready. Are you serious? How do you know if you’re ready? I didn’t feel ready. Yes I trained, yes I had walked 12 miles before and survived, but had I done the best I could have done all these months? Could I do this? It course map was intimidating. 13.1 miles is FAR! What was I doing?

I was fortunate. I had the support of my fabulous coach Maile and my wonderful Mentor Suz walking with me the entire time! How many people can say that! Honestly, how lucky was I. Walking felt different than training, it was harder somehow. Maybe it was all the pressure I put on myself. We started out at a good pace, much faster then I normally walk. It lasted a couple miles. Pretty sure I was last. Last out of 4,000 people, I kept walking, not looking back. It was at about mile 5 where my coach said “You’re not last”. Not that I really cared (psychologically, I guess I did, I hate to think that people are waiting for me). Well, that didn’t last long, as the 3 people behind me passed me. Then it was me, my mentor, my coach, with the police car right behind me. Another TNT coach Terri (the Sweeper) in charge of making sure all the TNT (team in training) make it through the course started walking with us. And now I had 3 people making sure I’d finish this journey. I walked and I walked.

At mile 9, I hit a wall (I’m told this happens) I didn’t have the courage, the energy or strength to believe I could finish. I tried to think about Griffin and my mom and all their struggles. I tried to gain energy from them but it wasn’t working. I didn’t care; I didn’t want to do this anymore. What was I thinking? Why was I doing this? Why was I putting my body through this? I had tears rushing down my face, I started swearing and screaming. The coached told me it was okay, that I was going to finish (Did I believe them?) NOPE! Somehow, I kept walking and walking. It sucked! I didn’t want to do it anymore.

It seemed like forever. It was then that I saw purple! Purple is TNT (team in training’s color) I had at least 6 fellow team members (coaches, mentors, campaign manager) who mind you had already finished their race, walk back to find me. Yes, me. To help give me the courage, the strength and the will to finish what I had started. To be honest, I don’t think I have ever felt so loved. I had my own entourage of people, like a princess or celebrity. People filling up my water bottle, bringing me Gatorade, giving me energy beans. At anytime I felt that I couldn’t take another step someone would ask me to tell them another Griffin story. We talked about the time Griffin threw a raw egg at my mom, how Griffin met Leo, Griffin’s pirate teeth, and the end of his life. I remember the conversation I had with Griffin a few days before he died, about how, I wanted to lose weight and be healthier and how I was sorry I was the fat mom. I remember so clearly Griffin saying that he didn’t care, that nobody cared if I was fat, that it didn’t matter and he loved me. I wanted to be a good role model and felt so inadequate, in regards to my health.
I’ve spent the last 4 years attempting (not very hard) to get healthy and lose weight. Signing up and quitting Weight Watchers numerous times, going to the gym and then NOT. Giving in to my emotions and eating to try and pacify my feelings. It wasn’t until Feb where we got serious with cutting out bad carbohydrates and until May when I signed up with TNT that I really believed I could make a real change in my life.

I finished the walk, all 13.1 miles. I’m proud to say that I was the very last, of the 4000 people to walk/run across the finish line with a time of 5 hours, 2 minutes and 4 seconds. With my “Purple People” (as Sydney calls my teammates) I did it.

Life changing indeed, I am not the same person I was at the starting line. I’m so proud of whom I’ve become. I’m on top of the world. Never have I felt the confidence or believed in MYSELF like I do today.

I challenge you, each and every one of you. To find that something you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the courage. That something you’ve thought you “can’t do” and DO it. For, if I can do it, you can too.

This season, I have signed up as a TNT mentor. I will be training to go to Alaska in the summer for a 1/2 Marathon. I’m excited to be part of the leadership team and hopeful that I can help inspire my teammates!

Thanks to everyone for all their support, both financially and emotionally and for helping me not only meet my goals but far surpass what I thought possible.

Love, Mo